ĐKG đọc xong chuyện này vừa cười vừa buồn.Cười vì chuyện ý nhị quá còn buồn vì ....
...please book me a room!.
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum,
a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was
which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
5 nhận xét:
Quý Vị:
ÐỂ tiếp tục Chương Trình của bác Ðô` Khỉ Gió, xin mời Quý Vị nghe người Tầu nói tiếng Anh:
Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan.And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to
the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
:)))
ÐLX
Vài nụ cười về giải đáp trục trặc Vi-tính qua điện thọai.
Bất đồng ngôn ngữ ?. NO!. Chỉ bất đồng ý tưởng và kiến thức.
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter A as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time
I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Friendship Among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she
told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's
house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. Not one
of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told
his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman
called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed
that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about forty minutes.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Một anh chàng nghi vợ mình có quan hệ "lòng thòng" với anh hàng xóm, nên sau chuyến công tác dài ngày, anh ta gọi đứa con nhỏ ra dò hỏi :
- Con ở nhà có thấy mẹ có tình cảm thân thiết vơí cái ông hàng xóm không ?
- Không, bố ạ ! Mẹ ghét ông ta lắm. Mẹ còn gọi ông ta là đồ khỉ nữa.
- Thế à ? Có thật như vậy không ?
- Thật ạ ! Hôm nọ con bắt gặp mẹ dí ngón tay vào trán ông ấy, nói : "ứ, cái đồ khỉ gió này"
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Dkg cho^m tu+` Web kha'c.
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